Messylove – Agostus

I don’t know what am I gonna do now.

I am really lost.

I am confused.

I am stressed.

I am deeply hurt.

It’s like my heart is being stabbed too many times.

I am crying and crying until I can’t.

I am crushing and pushing myself too hard until I realize that it’s ENOUGH.

IT’S ENOUGH BEING LIKE THIS!

I choose you no matter what, I choose to be by your side when you get sick or injured. I wanted to be your companion when you needed one. But you never open your problems with me. You just said that, you can handle it on your own. So what am I to you, if you don’t open up to me? Right? I am your partner through ups and down (that is what I think and I don’t know yours).

It’s been more than 3 years that we’ve been together. I saw good and bad side of yours and vice versa. What I don’t like the most in you is that, you always just say “Go” with your friends to have some fun and drink beer until dawn. You always go outside late at night and you go home at dawn. Then the next day, it’s our time to be together, but when we are together after going to church and go home with you, you feel sleepy and tired. That’s what I hate, because we don’t have that much time to spend together yet you are enjoying with your friends.

How about me?

That is what we always argue about. We got fights because of it. You think that I am not supporting you for what you want to do. But what I think is that, it’s bad for your health. You drink too much and you cannot say no to that. It’s not hard to say, “no” to alcohol and there should be a limit to it and it’s not hard to say “I should go home”, even if they are not done. You always wait for them to finish the session of drinking before you go home. Why can’t you just listen to me, when I say it’s enough and go home early, not early in the morning?

I just can’t get over thinking of you. I can’t sleep whenever you’re outside and not texting me what’s happening to you. I feel restless and worried because “I love you so much”.

That’s why I don’t understand the meaning of “I love you” when you say it to me. Because for me that is too deep, the feelings for the one you love is unexpressible by words, it is a deeper connection and feelings towards the person you love.

Love is powerful.

It will complete you or it will destroy you.

It hurts, it really hurts too much when you love the person so much and you forgot to love yourself and make time for yourself because you give everything to him.

REASON OF BREAK UP:

💔Both of us need to find ourselves even though we’re not together.

💔He’s not happy anymore, he feels I choked him by my love and does not love me the way I love him.

💔I make him my world and that’s my fault.

I love him until the end of our relationship even though it is really painful. 😭💔People might say I’m martyr in love but that is it, I LOVE HIM NO MATTER WHAT.

#messylove